unromantic.

Cast of Characters
Him:
Her:

ACT I

Scene 1

He and she are on stage, comfortable, in mid
discussion. She is sitting down, legs resting up
on a table or desk, disinterested looking at her
nails, a magazine, the wall. He sits or leans
against a table at an angle from her - not a face
to face - so as not to be confrontational.

HER
You run into a lot of interesting teaching school.

HIM
Yeah. That why you quit?

HER
I quit because I felt like a sham.

HIM
Everyone feels like a sham - you’re the only one who
goes and quits because of it.

HER
One kid told a story so real reading it made me feel
like a carnie in Gibsonton in his paneled trailer
sharing a bathroom with his sister and the rest of his
family. It was disgusting. And it was
beautiful. Stark.

HIM
Sounds it.

HER
You don’t understand.

HIM
I guess I don’t. Make me understand.

HER
It’s not who I am. Not who I want to be.

HIM
Who do you want to be then? You were good. One of the
best.

HER
Ha. That’s laughable.

HIM
You don’t give yourself enough credit. You never
have. --Guess that’s why I like you.

HER
You like me ’cause I’m hot.

HIM
Yeah, there’s that.

HER
And funny.

HIM
Mmmhmm.

HER
Sexy as hell.

HIM
Goes without saying.

HER
Ha - but seriously. I’m lost.

HIM
You’re not lost.

HER
I’m broken.

HIM
You’re not broken.

HER
Well - I’m something.

HIM
You are certainly something.

HER
Thhaa. You’re no help.

Scene 2
Her, on the phone with someone else, not him. In
the kitchen on the wall phone sitting on the floor
in the doorway feet up on the doorjamb.

HER
I don’t know. It’s so much pressure. I don’t like
pressure. I don’t do pressure. You know that.

HER
I know, I know. I just don’t know if I can.

HER
Okay.

HER
I gotta go.

HER
I love you too.

Scene 3
Him and her, in the kitchen, talking more about
it. Him, probing and her, trying to avoid it
altogether.

HIM
You gotta give me something.

HER
But really I don’t. You can walk out of here today,
having gotten nothing from me, and still be
okay. Perfectly fine.

HIM
That’s arguably untrue.

HER
Is it?

HIM
Yes.

HER
I’m not sure that it is.

HIM
I’m not even sure I know what you are asking me to do.

HER
I don’t know if I know either. I used to know.

HIM
Look all this talk about nothing - it’s making me
frustrated.

HER
Maybe if you could see it my way, be on my side for
once...

HIM
Be on your side for once? I am always on your
side. You push me away and I am still on your side.

HER
Maybe if you could see me for me.

HIM
I can only see what you show me.

HER
You only see what you want to see.

HIM
What the hell are you talking about?

HER
See? Now you’re getting all pissed.

HIM
I am not getting pissed. I’m... okay I’m getting
pissed. But pissed doesn’t mean leaving. You keep
pushing but I’m not going.

HER
...yet.

HIM
What’s that shit? Haven’t I proven myself enough times?

HER
Maybe.

HIM
It should be yes.

HER
Maybe is easier.

HIM
Maybe is a cop out.

HER
Maybe counts.

Scene 4
She, on the front steps on the phone again.

HER
I guess we’re just too different.

HER
Yeah, but the problem is - he wants to fix it.

HER
I don’t know. I guess.

HER
All right. Bye.

HER
Yes. I love you too.

HER
Bye.

Scene 5
He and she are in their original locations
continuing their conversation. As the
conversation progresses he gets closer to her.

HER
I wasn’t expecting you to be all romantic and sweep me
off my feet or anything but I thought at least you’d be
sentimental.

HIM
I admit it, I went about it all wrong. My words got
all jumbled up and, well, I froze.

HER
It just makes me question what we’re in for.

HIM
Whatever we’re in for, we’ll do it together. It
doesn’t have to be you against the world.

HER
That’s what I’m good at.

HIM
I know.

HER
So you tell me I don’t need to be strong, that I don’t
need to go it alone. But what if I AM broken?

HIM
I told you, you are NOT broken.

HER
But what if I WANT to be broken?

HIM
Then I’ll be broken with you

HER
Hey babe.

HIM
Yeah?

HER
What do say we head down the courthouse and get that
thing taken care of?

HIM
Absolutely.

CURTAIN