Wednesday, November 30, 2011

JE 36 Thank Me Later

Turned it in.  Not completely satisfied, but turned it in anyhow.  And so I move forward kicking and screaming.  Seeing as I am my greatest obstacle, that I provide enough internal conflict, and my body does the rest, I've decided to do the opposite of what I desire.

Anxiety threatens to overturn everything - do it anyway.  At this point I should hate myself for nagging and pushing.  But, maybe I'll thank me later.

JE 35 Wild Ride

In just a few more hours my final project is due.  So I'll be working on that again in a bit but I first wanted to tell you about this morning.

I went to see an acupuncturist.  You see I have heard for quite a while and from various sources that acupuncture just might help with my migraines.

Despite my fear of needles, I decided to give it a try, I mean I have tried just about everything else, right?  So I went in for a consultation and ended up with a complementary session that took me on one wild ride.  Wild ride.

First off - I did feel the needles.  But it wasn't painful.  Migraine pain seems to dull all other discomfort anyway. 

I am uncomfortable trying to sit at the desk top so can't really get into it but - I felt like I was twisting, or untwisting.  I saw lights and felt as though the table was a gravity table and that I might fall off if it wasn't.  Strange right? 

I kinda felt a little Steven King-ish.  Thoughts of needles melting into my body and dissolving, the thought of a sensation of being "done" turkey roaster style as the needles pop right out...  Weird.

I know I am not articulating this very well as I am hunched over the computer - attempting to get it out.

Well I will stop - gotta go get my laptop, lay down, and type over my head.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

JE 34 Plot Treatment - Grand (or Ain't Life Grand?)

It seems that what I am developing is more of a plot treatment than anything else.  Everything that I am writing applies to this one story, but the story isn't ready to be written just yet.  (How's that for the dog ate my homework excuse)?

It is big.  Too big for me to wrap my mind around yet.  So I am writing down bits and pieces.  And this is what I think I have decided to turn in.  It is what Anne Lamott had to do to get the inner workings of one of her rejected manuscripts flushed out. 

Themes.  Characters.  Scenes.  Symbols.  Setting.  Conflict - that's the part that'll move the story along.  That and dialogue.  But they aren't talking to one another yet.  There may even be a few stragglers - latecomers to the party.

JE 33 Progression

I've had the idea for my final project since the second assignment - short short story - when I crammed a whole bunch of information into 1,500 words.  I seem to be going through a complicated process to get the story out.  I write a bit, hash some more out in my head, take some notes. Think about themes and symbols.  Get to know my characters needs and wants.  Their fears, expectations.  Their flaws.  Idiosyncrasies.

The plot is proving more difficult.  I have scenes, but they don't fit together, at least not yet.  I wonder if my mind knows something it's not telling me. 

The main character is most like me, making it difficult to write.  And impossible to post.

But I keep clicking away...

JE 32 Bad Back and Standing Up Thanksgiving

Have I mentioned that I have lordosis?  I don't think I have.  It's no big deal.  It just means that I have a pronounced curve in my spine.  I also have trouble with my sciatic nerve.  Sometimes it causes this burning or stabbing feeling in my right leg.  But not all the time.  I have found relief with stretching and yoga and, most recently, with Thai yoga massage therapy. 

But then I went to a chiropractor and things got worse.  I don't know what I was expecting, but not this.  I went once and I was fine.  After the second visit though, it was all bad news - woke up the next day with a "lateral shift" which apparently only occurs in 3% of the population.  Then again, I'm not your average girl.  The absurd happens to me. 

I can't really get into it as I am holding my laptop above me as I tap at letters on the keyboard, let's just say, writing has been a challenge.  I did manage to text myself the first 1,000 words of my final project.

In the past few days I have seen some improvement.  I took Charlie and Rudy to the bike path and I managed to corkscrew my way down to Trunk River where the boy skipped rocks.  Yesterday I made it down to the beach at the end of the road.  But what a thing!  As if migraines weren't enough.

Too bad for me that I haven't been able to make it to yoga, or to volunteer at Charlie's school, or the many number of things I usually try to do when I don't have a headache.

My arms are getting tired so I will just post this bitch fest.  But I just wanted you to know why I have been a lame poster.  It's difficult - but I'll manage.  Somehow.

At least I am through with the steroids.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

JE 31 Difficult Answers to Easy Questions

On which side of the bed do you sleep?  A seemingly simple question, but I have a tendency to make things more difficult - to overthink them.  Questions such as these pose a problem to my brain.  Maybe it is because I am a visual thinker but aren't there two ways to answer this question?  When laying in bed one can say on the right, when looking at the bed would the answer be changed?  Would it be opposite.

In film and theater, stage right and screen right were invented out of the same necessity were they not?  I know, who cares what side of the bed one sleeps.  But it's the principle of the matter isn't it?  Do I sleep on the right, the left, or bed right? 

It may not matter to you but it matters to me.  Plus this is only an example of a seemingly simple question with a thoroughly frustrating absence of an answer.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

JE 30 Verification

Just got back from class.  Next Wednesday the rough draft of the final project is due.  The following week the Final Final Project is due and the following week is when I need to have 50 journal entries.  Putting me on track to complete my writing journal on time as long as I post a journal entry a day.  As you can see I have posted 3 or 4 today after an absence of 3 or 4 weeks.

But sometimes life just gets in the way.  And there is always composing in your head.

Got my eyes dialated today - it was as awful as I remembered it to be all those years ago - only this time the doctor put reversing drops in my eyes.  But they were not fast acting.  I was sitting in my car, blinded by the light on this rainy day in Cape Cod, at 2pm waiting for them to kick in as I listened to my latest book on CD, And The Hippos Were Boiled In Their Tanks by William S. Burroughs and Jack Kerouac.  The doctor assured me I should be okay to drive as only my immediate vision was affected, long distance was not a problem.  And it wasn't.  Light was a problem.  Seeing my phone.  Myself.  Driving to Hyannis in the rain at dusk - problem.  It was kind of like driving with a thin film of vasoline covering my eyes.  But I made it.  And I made it home and obviously my eyes have returned to normal as I can type this in moderate fashion.  Feeling only that fine sand or coarse salt has somehow affected my eyes.

So for now dear sailors, I must say adieu, au revoir, and whatever sailors say.

Signing off..

JE 29 Final Project

The time to begin thinking "Final Project" has come and gone for Final Project is due next Wednesday.  Whether this is Rough Draft or not I will have to verify.  I think it is Rough Draft.

The assignment - write 3,000 words in a genre of your choice.  But here I have simplified. 

It seems I am behind on my writing journal.  I am pretty sure at this point I should be in the 40s.  As you can see I am not.  But have faith - I will get there.  Just you wait and see.

My writing class meets on Wednesday nights.  One of the grades, in addition to attendance, is to meet with the professor to review one's portfolio and talk about anything that might be of concern.  I used this time with Professor Kershner to talk about the possibility of What Next?

He suggested that I might take the Creative Writing course again with a different professor.  But then I mentioned that I have this ability to catch errors.  Copy errors.  With this he suggested that I take the Suffolk University Copy Editing course offered on the Cape Cod Community College campus.  That day I walked into the Suffolk University office and spoke to Ann Miller, who was very helpful in brainstorming with me ways in which I might be able to pay for this course.  You see a 3 credit course at SU will cost close to $2,000 and that is before buying books.

This new development - finding Copy Editing - is a beacon.  Accidently I am good at this.  Words are my passion.  Since I have been diagnosed with Chronic Migraines and cannot predict when a migraine will dawn this new possibility is my light house, my marker, the point on which I must set my bow.

JE 27 - Skip a Step

It seems in my haste I skipped journal entry 27.  I sort of knew I was as I was doing it but did it anyway.  Maybe that's what makes me the true rebel that I am.  Though more telling is that I could not let this clerical error get away.  Although my sense of order is juxtaposed by this misstep.  I will forge on.

JE 28 Looks Like Rain Today or Sunshine on a Rainy Day

I said it.  It looks like rain today.  And this - does not make me happy.  At all.  You want sunny disposition?  You gotta show me sunny.  No sun, no smile.  Well, this is a bit of an exaggeration but not much of one.

For the past few months I have been seeing a massage therapist to help control my migraines.  But let me tell you she is so much more than that.  The past four times I saw Denise it rained.  No matter.  She has a sun machine.  One 90-minute session with my friend and I always come out smiling.  She is my sunshine.  What more could you ask for?  Sunshine on a rainy day.